


Love Me For Me

by ohpleaselarry



Category: Gay baby gang, The Misfits (Podcast), gbg
Genre: AU, Alternate Reality, Angst, College AU, Denial, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Lots of Cursing, M/M, Sexual Tension, Sexual innuendos, fitz is his normal self, just read it pls, kind of, lots of tension tbh lol, many near kisses, no full on smut sorry, photographer!Toby, there’s some gay ass dry humping though lmao, toby was never a streamer or youtuber, wasn’t feeling it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 15:05:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18552202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohpleaselarry/pseuds/ohpleaselarry
Summary: Toby’s fucked.He knew his final portfolio was due soon, but when his professor reminded the class that the final is due in two weeks, the panic started.Two weeks to get 20 photos of a muse Toby’s yet to find. Awesome.OrThey’ve never met. Cam has just hit 20M subscribers. Toby was never a streamer/YouTuber. They fall for each other over a final project.





	Love Me For Me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I know I said two Fitz/Toby (can we get a ship name already) fanfics ago that I wasn’t going to write anymore Fitz/Toby, buuuut here we are yet again. The thing is that I’ll randomly think of story ideas (usually in the shower) and they’re not novel-length worthy ideas, so they’re more perfect for fanfics. Yet I don’t enjoy writing Larry or septiplier anymore so it’s down to these two fucks. They’re the two that I watch the most out of the misfits tbh and I blame their undeniable chemistry and the fact that I’ve been listening and relistening to the podcasts for the last few weeks.   
> Fuck me, if either of them ever for some reason read this or any of the other ones...I’m sorry. Ily 😭  
> PS: not really much smut in this one. A new thing for me, but I just wasn’t feeling like writing it tbh

Cam doesn’t particularly enjoy shopping. Well, who does really?   
He and Swagger have been walking downtown for about half and hour, trying to find good presents for Mason’s birthday. They got some gag gifts, of course, but now they want to actually get him something good.   
They’re just about to turn a corner when Swagger stops and steps into the corner shop. It’s a dress store for proms and stuff, and they’ve got hundreds of dresses hanging from the low ceiling.  
The sliding doors are all the way open, so Swagger just steps in and touches a pink dress.   
“It’s perfect. I think it’s just his size.”  
“No Swagger we already got him stupid shit. We have to get him real presents now.” Cam can’t help but laugh, though. There’s a good bit of people walking outside and nearly bumping into him, so he’s about to step in the store as well, when someone turns the corner and slams right into him.   
Being tall as fuck, Cam just steadies himself on the wall. The other guy, on the other hand, falls to the ground, spilling his coffee all over the sidewalk.   
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Cam says, bending down and helping the guy up. There’s more people turning the corner on this busy street, so Cam pulls the guy with him into the dress store.   
The guy’s in the middle of saying something about how it’s his fault, brushing off his shirt with red cheeks, when he looks up at him.   
Their eyes meet. A beat of silence.   
“This might be weird, but can I take a picture of you?” The guy asks, ignoring the scrapes on his hand and his spilled coffee in favour of pulling a camera from his rucksack.   
Assuming he’s a fan, Cam complies, casually turning his head to see if Swagger has left. He spots him way in the back of the store, pretending he’s shopping. It’s necessary when they go out together. If Cam gets recognised Swagger will as well.   
Cam turns back to the guy, who’s adjusting the camera. He wonders if he’s a photographer with how nice of a camera it is.   
“Okay, don’t move, you look great.” The guy says, looking back up at him with a very pretty grin.   
Cam hides his pleased smile and looks away bashfully towards the street.   
The shutter goes off.   
“Oh. You don’t want to be in it?” Cam asks, eyebrows furrowing.   
“What? Why would I? Here look.” He holds out the camera and Cam looks at the photo.   
He’s smiling just a bit, cheeks slightly red, and he’s looking off camera. What really completes the picture, though, is the hundreds of colourful dresses surrounding him in the background.   
“Holy shit. Can you send this to me? I’ve been needing a new profile picture for Instagram.”   
The guy puts the camera away. His eyes are so blue. Cam blinks away his weird thoughts.   
“Yeah, sure. What’s your username?” He asks, taking out his phone and tapping the icon.   
“What? You don’t know?” Cam asks, then wishes he hadn’t when he realises how narcissistic that sounds.   
The guy raises an eyebrow, staring into his soul.   
“Shit, have we met? Sorry, I’ve met a lot of people since this semester started.”   
Cam suddenly realises that this guy has no clue who he is. He then realises that he must sound like a cocky bastard.   
“No, we haven’t met. Are you busy right now? Let me buy you a replacement coffee.”   
The guy smiles, cheeks tinting.   
“Nah, I’m not busy. My names Toby.” He says, sticking out a hand to shake. Cam does.   
“Cameron. You can call me Cam if you’d like.”

 

Swagger decides to go continue shopping, so Cam leaves back the direction they came, walking with Toby to a cafe he remembers passing up.   
Not even ten minutes after they’ve sat down with drinks, Cam realises how absolutely hilarious this guy is. He doesn’t know how it’s going to happen, but he knows he immediately needs him in his videos.   
At the same time, it’s nice to finally meet someone who’s genuine, not just trying to leech off of him or get with him just as the guy with 20 million subs. Cam kind of just doesn’t want him to know who he is.   
“Look, okay. I have to admit. The reason I took that picture of you is because you were in some great lighting and backdrop. I gotta ask, though,” Toby pauses, taking a nervous sip of his coffee. Cam grins, “basically I have this final portfolio for my photography class due in 2 weeks. The assignment is to find a muse and take 20 photos of them with different backgrounds in each photo. I was kind of hoping the picture I took would convince you to do it. You’re very photogenic.”   
Cam was ready to say yes before Toby even told him what it was.   
“Yeah I’ll do it. Only under the condition that you help me find my best mate a birthday gift.”   
Toby pretends to think about it, and Cam can’t stop smiling. Just the way this guy handles himself. His mannerisms. Cam can’t describe it. He just kinda wants to be around this dude like all the time. He feels like this is the start of a great friendship. Like, legendary.   
“Yeah I’ll help ya. You have anywhere to be tonight? Shops will be open for a few more hours.”

 

By the time it’s dark outside and everything is closed, they’ve got three really nice and kind of expensive gifts for Mason. Cam really only set out to buy him one, but he kept saying he needed more just to drag the night out. Besides, Toby got two more photos out of it. Only 17 to go.   
They share a cabbie and head to Toby’s flat building first. Cam didn’t really want him to see his place. It was hard enough to make an excuse for how he was able to afford the gifts. Ever since YouTube finally fixed their algorithm and put in more rewards for the more subs you have, twenty million subscribers really have set him up. Not to mention streaming twice a week really pays off in subscriptions and donations. He’s doing well.  
He walks Toby up to the entrance. He kind of wants to ask what his flat number is, but doesn’t want to come off hella creepy.   
Toby takes out his key but doesn’t go inside yet. It feels kind of like the end of a date. Cam doesn’t know if he should just say bye, shake his hand, maybe hug him?   
“Well. I didn’t really expect to end up spending half of my day with a stranger, but I had a wicked time. I’ll text you so we can meet up again. 17 more pictures with different backgrounds should give us plenty to do.”   
Cam smiles at the boy’s words.   
“Sounds good. I’m free literally any time.” He says, eyebrows lifting when Toby steps forward and hugs him. He recovers quickly and hugs him back, chin resting on the top of Toby’s head with their height difference.   
When they part, Toby chuckles a bit and playfully slaps his chest.   
“Stop smiling, bitch.” He says, then turns around and enters the building, Only looking back once to wave goodbye with a grin.   
Cam tries to bite back his smile, but it doesn’t go away even long after he gets back to his own place. 

 

He invites Toby to Mason’s birthday party two days later. It seemed like a great idea, but now, sitting in the nice ass misfits house with everyone planning another trip to Fiji or something, Cam realises this could easily go very bad.   
“Boys, you know how I invited Toby?” He asks when they quiet down.   
“The hilarious camera boy Toby?” Matt asks, as if there’s another Toby.   
“Yes, well, I kind of forgot to mention he doesn’t know about me. About us. And I don’t want him to find out yet.”  
Everyone stops.   
“He doesn’t know we’re youtubers? How’d you explain this?” Swagger asks, motioning towards the presents Cam got Mason, one of which is just the brand bag taped shut.   
“I didn’t, really. Just kind of told him I’m doing well for myself. Look, you guys know how it is to meet someone genuinely. To not have them leeching or just want money. I want to keep it like this for a while. Until we’re close enough that he can like me for me and not the 20 mil.” Everyone nods to his words. They all know how it feels.   
“Like you for you? You sound like you’re talking about your lover and not some dude you met on the street.” Jay says. They laugh. Cam’s cheeks warm, and he can’t really think of a comeback. Sort of making it worse, he doesn’t deny it.   
Everyone gets loud and talks over each other as they start to say some really dirty stuff.   
The doorbell rings.   
Everyone quiets down. Cam runs a hand through his hair as he walks to the door and wonders why he’s so nervous. God, he hopes nobody’s high enough yet to blurt out something.   
Toby looks great. He’s wearing some sort of nice sleek jacket and pink shoes. It’s a great combination. He’s holding a bottle of champagne and chewing on his lip nervously.   
“Hey—” Cam says, cut off by Toby yanking him outside by his wrist and closing the door.   
“What—“  
“Look, I’m not great with people. We only got on so quick because we have chemistry or some bullshit. I’m not very, like, social usually. I don’t want to embarrass you so you’re gonna have to make sure I don’t say some stupid ass shit and ruin it.” Toby’s eyes are wide and he’s wringing his hands together. More alarming, is the fact that he’s white as a sheet, looking like he might have a panic attack or something.   
Cam puts a hand on his shoulder, the other taking the champagne so he’s not holding it.   
“Woah, okay. Look, you’re going to do great. Everyone in there is either high, drunk, or nearly there. Just be yourself. They’re going to love you.”   
Toby nods, like he’s trying to make himself believe his words.   
“Sorry I’m such a pussy. We don’t even really know each other that well and I’m already unloading this.” He laughs to himself in embarrassment, and rubs his eyes with his hands, taking a deep breath.   
Cam pulls him into a hug, wrapping his arms around him like that’ll make his anxiety go away. Like a security blanket. Toby gladly accepts the hug, pressing his forehead to Cam’s collarbone.   
They stay there until Toby’s breathing is back to normal.   
When they pull away, Toby doesn’t completely part from him. He leans up into his tiptoes and presses a kiss to his cheek. Cam’s heart climbs into his throat.  
“Thanks. Don’t know why I feel like I’m meeting the parents.” He says, straightening up his jacket a bit.   
Cam smiles and opens the door, feeling the same but not really having an explanation either. To be real, he kind of needed that hug as well. He really wants the guys to like Toby as much as he does. What if they don’t vibe with his humour? What if they don’t want anyone new?  
They reach the room, where they’re getting the cake ready, taking turns putting in candles.   
Everyone introduces themselves, shaking hands or just straight up hugging Toby, who looks a bit overwhelmed but mostly good. As the boys ask him small talk questions about himself, he’ll glance over at Cam periodically, looking nervous, so Cam keeps giving him a reassuring smile.   
They sing happy birthday, and smash the cake in Mason’s face, of course.   
Then they bring the edibles and drinks to the living room, where Mario Cart and the presents are.   
Cam stays close to Toby, not wanting to abandon him. More people arrive after Mason opens his gifts, and as their outside group and their outside group’s group shows up, the party is in full swing within the hour.   
Despite the music pumping and the people dancing everywhere, the six of them stay there around the couch. Toby sits on the floor in front of Cam’s legs. Cam wonders if Toby wants to lean back against the couch to be more comfortable. It would require him to sit between his legs.   
“Toby?” Matt asks, holding the bag of weird taffy-like edibles out to him in question, taking Cam away from his weird thoughts.   
“It’s cool if you don’t want to.” Cam says quickly, not wanting him to feel peer pressured. Everyone agrees, and Jay pipes in, letting him know he’s staying mostly sober tonight.   
“I’ve never done it, is all. I like to try new things, though.” Toby says over the loud music, then looks up at Cam, like he’s wondering what he thinks.   
“I’ll do what you do. If you wanna stay sober I will as well.” He says, worried Toby’s general anxiety about tonight could cause a bad reaction.   
So they do it together, eating the same amount. It tastes incredibly bad, as usual, but Toby doesn’t look that nervous. He’s calmed down a bit since the party started and he got to know everyone a bit better.   
“They take a while to kick in, since we have to digest them. Maybe we should go somewhere quieter when they start to, since it’s your first time.” Cam says to Toby, who doesn’t question it, just agrees with a nod. He takes a sip of the champagne he’s been working on this whole time. It’s barely halfway empty.   
Even though they all made it clear it’s okay if he doesn’t, Cam still worries that Toby was peer pressured into it. Toby did say when he first arrived that he didn’t want to embarrass him.   
He seems fine, though. He talks to Swagger about America, asking what made him move here and all. Swagger says he’s studying abroad, making up some bs about majoring in marine biology. Thankfully nobody’s slipped up yet. It’s a bit more nerve wracking with all these other people, though. Especially with the outer circle’s people who they don’t know, who keep giving Cam these looks. Of course, there’s always the leeches, even with people they kind of know or even really know. Cam just has to hope Toby doesn’t notice.   
When it’s getting close to an hour, Cam starts to feel it. More relaxed and less nervous, shoulders finally relaxing after being tensed up all night. He laughs at jokes that aren’t even funny. He watches Toby closely as they start to kick in. After about thirty minutes, they’re all high, and Mason’s very loudly telling some story.   
Cam only sort of listens, mostly preoccupied with watching Toby like a hawk. He just hopes his anxiety won’t ruin it. He hopes Toby can have a good time. They didn’t take too much, but definitely enough.   
At one point, when Mason’s story has reminded Jay of something that happened in school and he’s now telling that, Cam watches Toby rub his hands down his face and reach for his drink. His hands are shaking. He goes to drink the drink but when he smells it, his face scrunches up and he sets it back down. When he looks over at Cam, his eyes are wide as saucers and he’s white as a ghost.   
“Toby, I wanted to show you something. Come with me.” He says, standing up. He doesn’t want to embarrass the boy.   
The guys don’t even really notice, all listening to Jay’s story.   
Toby follows him with a hand balled into the back of his shirt as they sift through the people and to the back of the house. Cam takes him to the guest room, which is sort of plain but the bed is nice. Not that it even matters, he’s just high. He sits him down on the bed.   
“You need anything? What do you need?” Cam asks, watching Toby immediately lay down and rub his eyes.   
“I’m fine. I’m okay.” Toby lies, still not wanting to be embarrassed.   
Cam leaves the room and goes to Matt’s across the hall, bringing back a bottle of water. Toby’s trying to take deep breaths, but he can’t seem to calm himself down. Cam wonders if he’s had an anxiety attack before, and that’s why he’s not yelling that he’s going to die like Cam’s used to with edible-induced anxiety.   
“Hey, drink this.” Cam tells him, sitting on the bed next to him. Toby sits up and drinks about half the bottle.   
“I feel...” he trails off, unable to explain it. His breathing picks up.   
“You feel fine. You have to tell yourself that. Your thoughts are gonna fuck you up if you let em.” Cam says, taking the boy’s hand.   
Toby’s shaking like crazy. Cam wants to ask if he’s epileptic or anything like that but he doesn’t want to freak him out bringing up seizures.   
Cam helps him through about ten deep breaths, but Toby’s shaking doesn’t let up. Within about five minutes, his shaking is full body. Like he’s laying in snow fully naked or something.   
Cam, fully high himself, starts to feel a little second hand anxiety. He worries Toby’s going to fucking die or something.   
“Don’t call an ambulance. I just need to lay here a bit.” Toby says, eyes closed as he continues to take deep breathes through his shaking.   
“Here, c’mon. Come lay with me.” Cam says, lying down and pulling Toby with him. Toby lies on his back next to him, but Cam pulls him towards himself, until Toby’s nose is pressed against his collarbone and his hands are balled up in his shirt above his abdomen.   
Cam throws an arm over the boy and rubs a light hand over his back. It feels nice to lay with someone. It’s been a while since Cam just lied with someone and there’s no sex.   
At first, Toby is apprehensive, but after five minutes, he presses in closer.   
“You’re okay. Are you cold?” Cam asks, feeling his shaking not let up.   
“Not cold.” Toby says. 

After about two hours, Cam wakes up to the door opening, swagger stepping in and closing the door. The music from the party is chilled out, he can barely hear it.   
“Is he okay?” He whispers, stepping up to the bed.   
Cam blinks his sleepy feeling away and lifts his head, looking down at Toby who’s asleep as well, eyebrows a bit furrowed but he’s not shaking anymore.   
“Yeah. We both got a bit anxious. I hope he doesn’t feel like we peer pressured him.” Cam whispers back. There’s a bit of hair over Toby’s eyes. For some reason Cam doesn’t want to fix it in front of Swagger.  
“Well. All of the people we didn’t really know left. It’s just us and a few other friends. We’re out here playing middle school games like truth or dare if you want to join.” Swagger days, then pulls out his phone and snaps a photo before Cam can react.   
He leaves the room, chuckling quietly. Cam rolls his eyes and brushes the hair out of Toby’s face. He looks very relaxed when he’s asleep. Peaceful. Cam wonders how gay they look in the photo swagger just took, and wonders how the boy is going to blackmail him with it.   
Cam reaches a few feet over for the throw blanket behind him, and spreads it over their bottom half, his feet a bit cold.   
Lying back down, Cam’s movement jostles Toby just a bit, who makes this quiet whiny noise and presses in closer.   
Cam cuddles him, eyes drooping again. He realises he kind of doesn’t give a fuck what Swagger does with that picture, and he’s too comfortable in this situation to care that it’s kinda gay as hell. He falls asleep before he can really wonder what that feeling means. 

 

Cam wakes up to a camera shutter.   
When he opens his eyes, Toby lowers his camera with a sheepish grin.   
“You looked cute. Besides, it’s a new background.” He says.   
Cam stretches his arms over his head. Toby’s eyes are a bit puffy. He looks like he just woke up and immediately took a picture of him.   
“You only hang out with me for your project.” Cam whines, eyes slipping closed again. He thinks it’s hella early, judging by the birds outside and the fact that there’s barely any light peeking through the blinds over the window.   
“It’s true. I don’t really even like you. It’s all about the project for me.” Toby says matter of factly.   
“Can’t believe you slept with me for your project. You better get an A.” Cam says, opening his eyes when Toby doesn’t respond. The boy is playing with the strap on his camera, chewing on the inside of his lip.   
“Hey, I’m joking. I love sleeping with you.” Cam says, stomach flipping as soon as the sentence comes out of his mouth. God, he’s talking like they had sex or something. He blinks the imagery away immediately, jaw clenching.   
Toby chuckles, rubbing a fist into his eye and setting the camera on the bed beside them.   
“No, it’s just...I feel embarrassed about last night. My stupid shit caused you to not even be able to enjoy the party.”   
Cam sits up on his elbows, eyebrows furrowing.   
“Don’t be embarrassed. Anxiety isn’t stupid shit. I was feeling off, myself. I had a great time. It’s nice to just,” lay with someone, he wants to say, “chill.” He says instead. What the fuck is wrong with him? He feels weird about everything he keeps almost saying. Feels even weirder about the things he’s thinking.   
“Besides, it’s sort of my fault anyway. I shouldn’t have let you do it. You don’t even really know us and there were way too many strangers around you for your first time.”   
Toby shakes his head, like he wants to take the blame, but he doesn’t say anything. Just yawns and pushes his hair back from his face.   
“It’s early as hell. I’m going back to sleep.” Cam says, rolling onto his side and looking up at the boy, who looks like he doesn’t know what to do.   
“Big or little spoon?” He blurts, stomach twisting nervously when Toby’s eyes widen in surprise. What a weird thing to ask a friend. Especially a new friend who’s middle name he doesn’t even know.   
“Little, I suppose.” He says, then lies down, back to him.   
Throwing his unease out of the window, Cam scoots forward and wraps an arm around him, tangling their legs as well. He decidedly doesn’t give a fuck. He can platonically cuddle his friends, right?   
Toby doesn’t seem to mind. He’s relaxed. He reaches for Cam’s hand and turns it palm up. He runs a finger down the lines on his palm. Cam hopes Toby can’t feel the way his heart starts to race.   
“Looks like you’re gonna get married within five years.” Toby murmurs, setting his hand back down but his own hand still close. Cam could hold it if he wanted to. He exhales shakily.   
“You can read palms?” He asks sleepily. Toby hums instead of answering, clearly half asleep. Cam’s eyes flutter closed and he does the same. 

 

They’re woken up two hours later by Mason charging in the room, yelling “are you two fucking dating?”, then leaving.   
Cam groans and opens his eyes. They’ve changed positions in their sleep. Cam’s now on his back and Toby’s head is on his chest. Toby sits up and yawns, blinking rapidly.   
“What the fuck was that?” He asks.   
“Mason.” Cam sighs, sitting up as well. He wonders if Toby feels weird about last night. He looks at him, finding the boy already staring back.   
“I’m late for class.” He says, but he’s smiling.   
“Skip and come see a movie with me?” Cam asks, not wanting him to leave. What if he’s freaked out about last night but doesn’t want to embarrass him?   
“Tempting, but I want to show my prof the pictures I have so far and make sure they’re following the guidelines.” Toby gets out of the bed and rubs the sleep from his eye, then runs hands through his hair, trying to tame it.   
“Hey, don’t worry about Mason. He’s just being a cunt.” Cam says as Toby puts on his shoes.   
“I’m not worried about it. Maybe I’m the one you’ll marry within five years.” He says, putting his camera into his camera bag with a grin.   
“Heyyy, I’m not gay.” Cam says, not really sure who he’s trying to convince. Toby or himself.   
“Whatever you say. I’ve never had a straight friend cuddle me in a bed for an entire night,” Toby steps over and plots a small kiss on his cheek, “I’ll text you.”   
When he leaves the room, Cam lies back down and touches the spot on his cheek that Toby’s lips just were. He tries to tell himself to stop acting like a girl, but he can’t really explain the feeling in his chest he gets when Toby’s around. God, he barely even knows the guy. 

 

Toby need 16 more pictures. His due date is looming over them, so they wake up early as and set out to take all of the damn pictures. Every single one.   
The first one Toby takes that day, picture 16, is him driving to town. It seems to be the best place to start. Lots of different shops and things for backgrounds.   
“Why don’t you ever warn me?” Cam asks, cheeks heating up after Toby takes the photo. He adjusts his sunglasses and sticks his arm out of the window. It feels nice today. There’s clouds covering up the sun, so it’s not really hot. It might rain, though. Cam doesn’t think to check.   
“They have to be candid. You can always tell when someone’s forcing it. Ruins a photo.” Toby says, clicking through the pictures. 

 

They park the car at the parking garage downtown and set out. Cam’s wearing a cap and sunglasses in an attempt to be less recognisable. It usually doesn’t work though. His height has him sticking out like a sore thumb anyway, and the moment he says anything people recognise his voice.   
They walk for a bit, finding a few cool backgrounds in weird shops or supermarkets. Cam never knows when Toby’s going to snap a photo since he wants them to be candid, so they just talk and shop a tiny bit and he tries to relax.  
They stop and get ice cream at a stand. Toby had gotten a nice simple push pop but Cam had to go and get some huge scoop in a cone and he’s in the middle of some messy ass lick when Toby takes picture 13.   
“Fuck off, this is melting way too fast.” Cam says, smiling though he’s trying not to. It’s hard when Toby’s giggling so much. He’s very infectious. Everything he does is, really. Cam’s never met anyone like him before. He feels like he’s known him forever, and not barely a week.   
“It’s melting cause it’s humid as hell. I think it’s going to rain.” Toby replies, and as if on cue, rain starts to fall. It’s light and not bad, but Cam walks a bit faster.   
“Shit, your camera..”  
“It’s fine if a bit of rain gets on it. It’s not going to die. Long as it’s not pouring.”   
Within ten seconds, the rain picks up. And up. And up.   
They take shelter under an overhang in front of some Asian restaurant.   
“Stop talking. The weather gods are clearly listening.” Cam jokes, tossing his messy cone and making sure Toby’s camera isn’t fucked.   
“We passed up a drug store a few places back. Maybe we can pick up an umbrella when it slows down a bit.” Toby suggests, leaning back against the glass window of the restaurant.   
“Won’t be slowing down for a few hours. Supposed to start lightning in half an hour.” Some guy smoking a cigarette says a few feet away, showing them a live radar on his phone, where the red thunderstorm centre is moving towards the city.   
“Okay. I’ll go get an umbrella, you stay here with the camera. We gotta get back to the car before the lightning.” Cam says. Toby looks like he wants to protest, but Cam turns and leaves before he can.   
He’s soaked pretty much instantly. He kind of forgot that he heard earlier that week that storms might be coming through.   
He finds the drugstore and buys a cheap little umbrella, a kids one. It was the only one they had, though. He opens it up and jogs back to Toby, who seems to be talking to the cigarette guy from before.   
It’s hard to hear over the pouring rain, but once Cam ducks under the overhang, he hears their conversation.   
“C’mon mate, not even for 500?”   
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Toby asks, putting a hand on Cam’s chest to stop him from getting too close.   
“What’s going on?” Cam asks, shaking the umbrella. The guy turns away from Toby and steps towards him, causing Toby to tell him to back off.   
“Ay, Fitz, a picture mate please?” He begs, and Cam thinks about saying yes, but he’s getting weird ass vibes.   
“This dude just offered me 500 bucks for your address.” Toby tells him, eyes wild with anger.   
Cam unslouches to his full height, resting his hands on Toby’s shoulders to stop him.   
“I think you should leave now.” Cam says.   
The guy frowns and calls them fags, stalking off into the Asian restaurant.   
Toby turns around and looks ten times less angry, looks almost soft, his eyebrows furrowed. Cam checks Toby’s rucksack to make sure the guy didn’t pick him somehow.   
“Weirdest pedo I’ve ever met in my life.” Toby says. Cam almost corrects him, but doesn’t. He’s met crazy fans before. Even had someone try to steal his phone once to get everyone’s numbers. Someone offering money for his address isn’t insanely out of the ordinary for him. All Cam is worried about is Toby catching the guy calling him Fitz. He just has to hope Toby thinks it was crazy talk.   
“I’m sorry I left you alone.” Cam says, opening up the umbrella and holding it above them. Toby opens his mouth to reply, but looks up at the umbrella and laughs.   
“That thing is not big enough for the both of us.”   
“I know.”   
Toby narrows his eyes, then shakes his head.   
“Nah, fuck off with your selflessness. Let’s go get another one.” Toby says, pouting but looking flattered anyway.   
“There’s no point, I’m already soaked from going to the store. C’mon before it starts to storm. Not supposed to use an umbrella when it’s lightning.”  
They start to walk. The rain isn’t super cold or anything, so it’s not too bad. They walk on the brisk side back towards the parking garage, Cam holding the umbrella over Toby. They get a few blocks in, when the first lightning strikes a few kilometres away, followed by thunder. They walk quickly down the sidewalk. They come up to a playground, just five blocks from the park, when a strong gust of wind takes the umbrella right out of Cam’s wet hands and right up into the air.   
Immediately, he looks for shelter.   
“Gazebo!” Toby yells over the pounding rain, pointing at a children’s gazebo in the playground. They run over to it. Due to the noise and the rain blinding them, neither of them saw the huge pool of mud until they’ve slipped and fallen into it.   
“Oh fuck, the camera!” Cam exclaims, ignoring the pain in his knees from falling and crawling through the mud to Toby and the mud coated camera.  
Toby, the weird fuck, is laughing.   
“What’s so funny?!” Cam yells over the rain.  
“This is hilarious! We’re so retarded!” Toby yells back. Cam’s distraught about the clearly ruined camera, but watching Toby laugh, he can’t help but join him, laughing.   
Toby takes off the camera from his neck and carelessly tosses it to the grass, then tackles Cam into the mud with a shriek.   
Immediately forgetting the camera, Cam wrestles Toby in the mud. With it being so slippery, they tire out fairly quick and drag themselves and the fucked camera to the gazebo, laughing like madmen.   
It’s a children’s gazebo, so Cam sits cross legged, Toby doing the same in front of him, and Toby crosses his legs on top of Cam’s so they can fit.   
After a few more minutes of laughing, they settle down and Toby reaches out and starts wiping the caked on mud from Cam’s face, cupping his hand in the rain a foot away to wash it away.   
“This is so fucked, but I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.” Cam says, hands resting on Toby’s calves, too cramped to put them anywhere else.   
“Me neither.” Toby says, giving him this sweet grin. Cam’s heart races being this close.   
“We’re gonna get sick.” Cam laughs, and when Toby’s cleaned his face, he does the same to him, tossing the mud out of the gazebo.   
They laugh a bit, but it dies down. The rain is so loud. Toby’s eyes are so blue. Cam swipes his thumb over the boy’s lips, getting the bit of mud from there. He doesn’t realise he’s leaning in by small increments until Toby’s eyes flutter closed. Cam does the same, hand still on his face. His heart races.   
Lightning strikes a tree a kilometre away, and the sucker breaks in half and falls over. The noise shocks them apart.   
“Holy shit!” Toby exclaims, pulling out his phone and wiping off mud to take a photo of the now burnt tree. Thank god for life-proof phones nowadays.   
“We gotta get back to the car.” Cam says over the rain, so they squeeze out of the small gazebo and carefully avoid the mud. Thunder rumbles ahead, and Cam takes Toby’s hand and they jog through the streets back to the parking garage. There’s a few times where they almost slip, but they keep each other upright, laughing like maniacs.   
Once they finally reach the park, they’re at last in a dry spot.   
The rain had washed away most of the mud, so now they’re just wet as hell. They stop holding hands so Toby can attempt to turn back on the camera as they catch their breath and walk slowly to the car.   
“Nah it’s fucked.” Toby says, sounding weirdly calm about it, as if it’s not an expensive item or anything.   
“I’m so sorry. The umbrella just slipped—“  
“Not your fault. I don’t care. I had fun.” Toby interrupts, rolling his eyes. They reach the car, and Cam attempts to shake the water from his hair.   
“Should we air dry before getting in? I’m guessing you don’t have towels or anything.” Toby asks, squeezing water from his shirt.   
“It’s fine. I’ll get it cleaned later.” Cam says as they get in, immediately turning on the heat.   
“Want to just come to my place? It’s closer and I don’t want to drive in this for long. Besides, my shower is...nice.” Cam says about every excuse he can think of, and Toby agrees, laughing.   
Cam wonders if they’re going to talk about how they nearly kissed back there, but Toby doesn’t mention it, rubbing his hands together in front of the vents to warm up. 

 

“What the fuck.” Toby says as they pull up to Cam’s house and he types in the code to open the driveway gate. Mason’s gifts and his car were easy enough to excuse away, but Cam hasn’t figured out how he’s going to explain the house. The huge three bedroom (one being used for his setup) two bath house with a nice ass kitchen and living room. Not to mention the pool out back.   
Cam doesn’t say anything, chewing his lip nervously as they jog through the rain to the front door. Thankfully the door is covered so they don’t really get wet as Cam unlocks the door.   
He opens it and lets Toby go in first. They step inside to the foyer, where they kick off their shoes and also shed their wet socks. Cam watches Toby stare up at the chandelier above them with wide eyes.   
He steps from the foyer and into the kitchen, whistling at the real marble countertops and the nice lights above, then he walks to the living room, eyes moving from the flatscreen, to the table tennis on the other side, to the floor to ceiling windows that reveal the garden and pool in the backyard.   
Toby turns on his heels and narrows his eyes at him.   
“Is this the part where I find out you’re actually a foreign prince, or like...a famous rockstar?” Toby asks. Cam laughs, wishing he had thought this through. He hasn’t really answered Toby when he asked what his profession is, just told him he’s doing good for himself.   
“This is the part where I show you my nice warm shower.” Cam says, effectively distracting Toby, who hums and follows him to the bathroom. The shower is well lit, with a nice huge glass door and a seat inside.   
“Is that a rain shower?” Toby asks in amazement, looking up at the holes in the ceiling above.   
Cam opens the shower door and taps the touchscreen on, showing Toby the temperature and pressure settings.   
“Set it how you like. I’ll go find you some clothes.” Cam says, leaving the toilet and heading down the hall.   
Passing his recording room, Cam sees his YouTube plaques up on the wall and quickly shuts the door, hoping Toby won’t want the full tour.   
He heads to his room and finds a pair of shorts, briefs, and his oversized Off-White hoodie that he think will fit the boy. He had bought a larger size so he could wear it if he ever got mad buff.   
Heading back to the bathroom, he sets the clothes next to the sink.   
“I’m lanky but I’m tall, so these should fit y—“ Cam’s words die in his mouth when he looks up from the clothes to the shower, where Toby’s just unabashedly washing his hair. Cam hadn’t thought Toby would just undress and get in with the door open.   
“I see what your nice smell comes from now.” Toby says without looking at him, scrubbing his hair. Cam’s eyes scope down without his permission, down Toby’s back, his arse, and his legs.   
“Y-yeah. I got it in France.” Cam says when his brain finally catches up and he looks at the shampoo bottle.   
“Of course. One of your many trips to France, huh?” Toby says, rinsing his hair. Cam blinks his thoughts away and leaves the room, headed to the other shower, which is pretty much the same except with a regular shower head.  
He takes a quick shower and throws on some joggers and an open sleeve tank.   
When he makes his way down the hall, he finds Toby stood in front of the floor to ceiling mirror in his bedroom, feeling the hoodie.   
“I’ve always wanted an Off-White hoodie. Was going to buy one after saving up but I had to dig into my savings for rent.” He laughs as if that’s perfectly fine. Cam steps up behind him, looking at how they look together in the mirror. He sticks his hands in his jogger pockets so he doesn’t touch him.   
“Well I like you in my things. I-I mean, you look nice—like, uh..” Cam stops talking so he doesn’t talk himself into his own grave.   
Toby grins and turns around. Cam avoids his eyes, looking at himself in the mirror to see his own cheeks turning red. God, what the hell is wrong with him?  
“I like wearing your things.” Toby says, raising an eyebrow like it’s a challenge. He glances down at Cam’s outfit, and reaches out to poke his exposed side.   
“Open sleeve tank tops? You look like a frat boy.” Toby says, laughing. Cam laughs as well, shaking his head.   
“You gonna stay the night then? I’ve put our clothes in the wash.” Cam asks, stepping away and out of the room to break the weirdly sexual tension. He can only handle so much flirting, seeing as he’s most definitely straight.   
Toby follows him to the living room, where Cam turns on the telly and searches for movies to rent.   
“I have class tomorrow at 8.”  
“I can drive you.” Cam says, and Toby can’t seem to think of another excuse. He shrugs and sits next to him on the couch.

 

Cam wakes up alone. Sitting up, he frowns at the empty bed next to him. He has a completely furnished spare bedroom, but Toby didn’t need to know that. They just slept, anyway. They had fallen asleep after talking for hours about some mad deep stuff, like their fears and insecurities and shit.   
Cam looks over at his nightstand, finding a pile of clothes, bottle of water, and a note.   
Peeking at the clothes, he finds Toby has folded Cam’s outfit yesterday, as well as the hoodie and stuff he borrowed.   
Sipping at the water with a smile, Cam reads the note.   
‘You were too cute to wake up. I had a blast! Don’t worry about the gazebo, I only kiss on the second date. -Toby’ There’s a winky face and a lopsided dick drawn at the bottom of the note.   
Cam’s stomach turns, and he grins like an idiot there in his bed for what feels like an hour. So they aren’t ignoring what almost happened in the gazebo.   
Sliding out of bed, Cam taps his phone icon and waits for the call to ring.   
“Hey, Ryan. How much do you know about cameras?”

 

“Hello?” Toby asks through the buzzer the next day.   
“It’s Cameron.” Cam says, and is buzzed up seconds later. He takes the stairs up, feeling bad that the place doesn’t even have an elevator.   
After knocking on his door, Cam bounces nervously on his toes, palms sweaty.   
When Toby opens the door, he’s already smiling, but it turns to confusion when he spots the large gift bag in Cam’s hands.   
“What’s up?” Toby asks, opening the door wider so Cam can come in. He’s never actually been in his place. It’s a pretty standard flat. Not falling apart, but definitely not amazing. Cam wants to buy him a new place or something. He’s mad with it. Wants to get him everything he could want. Just to see him smile.   
“Got you a gift.” Cam says, setting the bag down on the small kitchen table when they get there.   
“Aww, what’s the occasion?” Toby asks, unraveling the ribbon from the handles.   
“Uhh...good luck for your project?” Cam says, unable to think of anything else. Toby laughs, but it quickly dies when he opens the bag and sees what’s inside.   
His eyes widen. He pulls out the contents. The newest version of the camera Toby had, along with brand new lenses of different sizes. Right under that box, the Off-White hoodie he had borrowed. Cam had thought about getting him a brand new one, but the thought of Toby permanently having and wearing his clothes that he’s worn made his chest flutter.   
“Oh my god. All of this is worth thousands. I can’t accept this, what the fuck.” Toby looks up at him, the items in his hands, eyes wide.   
“Nonsense. Open it up and see if you like it.” Cam says, tapping the camera box.   
Toby huffs but complies, opening it up and turning it on. He puts in the smaller lens and turns, snapping a picture of Cam before he can change his expression. He peeks at the photo, finding himself smiling in a way he’s never seen himself smile before. He can’t really describe the expression.   
“I know the memory card in the old one works but there’s a new one for when that’s one’s full. I figured you’d like some different lenses. This ones supposed to be able to—“ Cam’s interrupted by Toby setting the camera down and hugging him, standing up on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around his neck. Cam laughs and hugs him back. Nose at the top of his head, Cam smells his own shampoo. It gives him this weird feeling that he can’t explain.   
When Toby pulls away, his eyes are a bit wet, but he’s smiling.   
“I don’t have anything to give back to you.” Toby says, staying right there, arms still around his neck.   
“Nothing I want from you costs money.” Cam says, immediately wishing he hadn’t. He avoids eye contact, laughing to break the tension.   
Toby’s fingers start to play with the hair at the nape of Cam’s neck. Cam presses his cheek to Toby’s arm and closes his eyes, embarrassed.   
“I see you’ve read my note.” Toby says. Cam opens his eyes when Toby steps closer, hands sliding from his neck to his chest, pressing him until he steps back. His back gently hits the wall behind him, and Toby smiles, leaning up on his tip toes and leaning in.   
Cam pulls him closer by his waist so they’re pressed together and tries to control his breathing pattern.   
Toby leans in close, then suddenly stops, inches away.   
“Wait a minute. I said the second date, didn’t I?” He asks, and Cam nods.   
“Mason’s birthday doesn’t count, so we’ve only been on one.”   
Cam pouts and opens his mouth to retort, when a door opens from down the hall, and some guy rushes out, throwing on a hat sloppily.   
“I’m fucking late, Toby, see ya later.” The guy says, not even looking over to see Cam is here before rushing out of the door.   
“We always get interrupted.” Cam complains, rubbing gentle circles into Toby’s back.   
“Maybe we’re doomed and the universe is trying to tell us that.” Toby replies, sounding serious for about two seconds before they laugh.   
Toby pulls away and turns back to the gifts. He tugs on the hoodie over his T-shirt, putting his hands in the pockets and smiling goofily.   
Cam smiles back, stomach still turning. Really thinking about it, why is he letting himself do this? Basically ask Toby to kiss him. He’s never been into a guy in his entire life, why would he be now?

 

They finally get back out again, and the radar says there’s 100% no rain. Picture 5 almost ruins everything. They’ve stopped in a fresh market, distracted by the fruit. Toby’s just out of hearing distance, picking a pineapple from the lot, and Cam’s choosing a dragonfruit, when a girl taps him on the shoulder, eyes wide and cheeks red.   
“Fitz, I’m a big fan. C-can I have a photo?” She asks, clutching her phone and showing him the camera app open.   
Glancing over his shoulder, Cam finds Toby getting the pineapple bagged at the sales counter.   
“Yeah of course. How are you?” He asks, worried about getting caught but his manners never failing.   
“Kind of freaking out, to be honest.” She says. She holds up her phone, and Cam bends to her height, grinning for the picture.   
As soon as it’s taken, Cam glances back at Toby. He’s walking over to them, an eyebrow raised in confusion. Cam turns back to the girl.   
“This is going to be weird but please just follow my lead. He doesn’t know who I am.” Is all Cam can tell the girl before Toby steps up to them.   
“Everything good? Hi.” Toby says, smiling at the girl.   
“All good. Ran into an old friend. We grew up next to each other. Make sure you send your Mum that photo, she’d love it.” Cam says, improvising quickly.   
“Uh, yeah. She would love it. Lucy.” The girl says, holding a hand out to Toby, who shakes it.   
“Toby. That sounds lovely. Cam never tells me about his childhood, I assume you two got in lots of mischief?” Toby asks, elbowing Cam with a grin. Cam can’t help but smile back. The cheeky fuck.   
“Of course. We once hid my Dad’s keys in the backyard as a hide and seek sort of game. Ended up never finding them again!” Lucy says. Cam thanks his lucky stars that his fans are as good at bullshitting as he is.   
They all share a laugh.   
“Well, we’ve got some photos to take before it gets dark. Um, unless you two want to catch up? I can meet you at your place tomorrow and we can finish.” Toby says, putting away his camera.   
“No it’s fine we can catch up anytime. Here, I forgot to have your Mum give you my new number. Changed it a few weeks back.” Lucy quickly says, jotting down her number on a receipt and handing it to Cam.   
“Alright cool.” Cam says, stuffing the number in his pocket. He bends down to hug her, playing the part.   
“Thank you.” Cam whispers in her ear as they hug.   
“Good luck.” She whispers back. With a wink and a wave, she’s gone.   
They walk back out onto the street, back on the look for photo opportunities.   
“Hey, we don’t have to do this all the time. I wouldn’t want you to give up an old friend for this project.” Toby says as they walk. Cam pulls the bill of his hat further down, wishing he weren’t tall as fuck and easily recognisable.   
“No I was hanging with you first. I’m having fun.” He replies, bumping their arms together and using it to take the pineapple bag from him to carry it for him.   
“What a gentleman.” Toby says, trying to hide his pleased smile.   
“Of course. Anything to get in your pants.” Cam jokes, and Toby shoves at him with an affronted laugh.   
He then spots a nice washed out brick wall that’s been heavily graffitied, and it’s back to the photos. 

 

Cam walks Toby up to his flat at the end of the day and sets his bags onto his kitchen counter. Toby takes his camera off his neck and takes the lens off, putting all the parts into his bag.   
“Two more photos.” Toby sighs, turning to him. They’re just a foot apart. Cam feels nervous but he doesn’t know why.   
“Should be easy enough. Hey, the boys and I were planning on trying out LSD again. I know the edibles didn’t work out so I understand if you don’t want to join us.” Cam just invites him just like that. It’s the first reason he could think to get them together again. He kind of wants to hang out with him all the time.   
“Again? Sounds fun. I’ll think about it.” Toby yawns, closing the distance for a goodbye hug.   
When they part a few seconds later, Toby doesn’t step back. He rolls his eyes fondly and reaches up to fix where Cam’s collar is folded in all wonky.   
His heart races with the boy so close. There’s something in the air. The excitement of the potential trip together, perhaps?   
Or something else..  
Toby’s done adjusting his collar, but his hands are still there, gripping the fabric. He’s not smiling anymore. Their eye contact doesn’t break.   
Cam doesn’t know why he reaches forward and places a hand on Toby’s waist, but the boy doesn’t complain, tongue darting out to moisten his lips. Cam watches the movement with wide eyes. His stomach curls and he presses forward so he’s trapped Toby against the counter. The boy’s breath catches.   
He should say something. He should pretend it’s a bit. He should remind himself he’s straight and back away. He told himself he wouldn’t try to kiss him again. He told himself not to let it happen.   
Alas, he leans in, heart beating so fast he can feel it in his ears. They’re so close Cam could count his eyelashes.   
“I’m straight.” Cam says mostly to himself, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to stop himself.   
“Cameron...” Toby whispers, voice almost pleading, like he can’t handle it.   
Keys jingle at the doorknob a few feet away. They part as if the other person is on fire. Toby turns his back to him and picks up the bag, unloading the pineapple. Cam can only lean against the opposite counter and cross his arms before the door opens.   
The last time he was here the guy just ran out without seeing him, so he’s never met his roomie.   
The guy comes in with a cheerful hello, and promptly drops his keys when he spots Cam against the counter.   
Well, shit.   
“What the fuck—“  
“Hi! I’m Cameron. Toby’s friend!” Cam says loudly, doing the ‘abort mission’ motion with his hand at his neck while Toby’s still facing away, hoping the guy gets what he’s silently trying to tell him.   
“I...um, h-hello.” He says, seeming to be speechless. This is twice in one day Cam’s had close calls with Toby. Shit’s fucked.   
“You really that surprised I have a friend over, Greg? I’m not that antisocial, ya dick.” Toby says, pouting. Cam can’t look at him after what’s just happened. His heart-rate still hasn’t calmed yet.   
“No, it’s just, you know.” Greg’s nowhere near as quick witted as Lucy was earlier. Cam’s clearly on his own. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to bullshit anything.   
“Look, I need a shower then I’m headed to sleep. Um, text me about that thing with your friends, Cam.” Toby says, barely looking at him before leaving. He must be having the same thoughts he is.   
As soon as he leaves the room, Cam can’t help the exhale of relief. He helps himself to a glass of water, gulping the whole thing down in a few seconds. He almost just kissed Toby, what the hell is happening? Why can’t he control himself every time?  
“You’re in my house, what the fuck.” Greg runs a hand through his hair like he’s stressed. His keys are still on the floor.   
“Look, he doesn’t know. I want to keep it that way, for now. I’m just some regular guy.” Cam says, setting the glass in the sink and bending down to pick the guy’s keys up for him.   
“Oh, um, I won’t say anything. How does he even not know? Are you gonna tell him?” Greg asks, taking the keys and stuffing them in his pocket.   
“It’s a long story. Just please don’t say anything. Can I buy your silence with some free merch or something?” Cam asks, almost desperate at this point.  
“Y-yeah, okay. I won’t say anything, promise.” Greg says, typing in his number when Cam hands him his phone with a new contact pulled up.   
Cam puts his contact name as ‘Greg Toby’s roomie’ and slides his phone back into his pocket.   
“Alright. I gotta go. I’ll text you.” Cam says, sort of exhausted at this point, too distracted by what happened before to really exchange pleasantries.   
He leaves, mind racing.   
Unbeknownst to them both, Toby stands against the hallway wall, eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the conversation he just eavesdropped into. 

 

The next day, Cam nervously texts Toby the details for the LSD plan for tomorrow, wondering if Toby is even up for it after what happened with the edibles and the whole ‘getting interrupted after a straight guy keeps trying to kiss him’ thing.   
Not even five minutes pass before he gets a reply.   
‘Meet me at the address I just pinged. Should be a cool spot for some photos if you’re up for it today?’ Is the reply, along with an address for a park, it seems.   
Cam texts back his confirmation and stands up from editing, shoving on his shoes. 

 

Cam spots Toby sitting on a swing at the park, looking through his camera every few seconds before going back to pressing buttons, seeming to be adjusting for the environment.   
Cam wonders how to open up the conversation. ‘Hey, sorry I keep trying to kiss you, I’m totally straight even though it doesn’t seem that way!’ ?  
Taking a deep breath, he approaches him, dragging his feet against the grass a bit so Toby can hear him coming.   
“Hey, look at that tree over there. I thought it’d be the prettiest background.” Toby says, looking up at him and smiling. He doesn’t seem off in the slightest. Cam glances over at the tree with the pink flowers carelessly, then back to Toby.   
“Uh, yeah okay. You alright?” Cam asks as they start for the tree.   
“I’m good. You?” Toby replies. Cam then understands what’s going on. They’re pretending nothing happened. Cam’s kind of perfectly fine with that. A weight lifts from his shoulders, and he relaxes. Not having to deal with it sounds great.   
“Great. Hope this tree smells good.” He says, then jumps into a story about the time he saw a flower tree and went to pick a flower but it smelled like absolute bile. Toby laughs at the story. They’re back to normal. 

 

So he thought.   
It started out normal, anyway. Toby takes a few pictures of him in from of the tree to choose from, then they start to walk around to see if they can find a spot for the last photo. Only one more picture for his portfolio.   
Then Toby starts to ask questions. They seem to be general curious getting-to-know-you questions, like where he grew up and how school was.   
But they quickly get deeper. More serious. He asks about all of the things Cam’s been avoiding the whole time they’ve know each other. The things he has to lie about.   
Toby asks why he moved to Melbourne, Cam says it was originally for school but he quit.   
Toby asks what his job is that allows him to buy expensive shit all the time. Cam says he doesn’t really have a permanent job, that he builds PC’s for his friends or strangers. It’s slightly true. His job isn’t set permanent, and he has helped friends build PC’s. Toby gives him this look like he absolutely doesn’t buy it.   
Toby asks why he has his own place instead of living with the others who have a perfectly fine spare bedroom. Cam says he likes his privacy.   
The questions get deeper. Harder to lie about. Cam begins to wonder if Toby found out. He only told Toby his last name once, on the first day when they were getting to know each other a bit. It really only takes one google search of ‘Cameron McKay’ and he’s fucked.   
“What’s with the questions, anyway?” Cam asks when they give up on the photo and start the walk back to the parking lot.   
Toby doesn’t answer. They walk back to the cars and stop. Cam stands in front of his door nervously.   
Toby narrows his eyes at him.   
“I’m just trying to figure you out. You’re very, like, secluded. I feel like you turn into a different person when we stop hanging out or something.”   
It’s sort of exactly what’s happening. Cam clutches his keys so tight they dig into his skin as he quickly thinks of multiple excuses for anything Toby could ask right now.   
“I’m just a different person with you.” Cam says. Toby raises an eyebrow, stepping closer.   
“Why is that? Why aren’t you the same with me as you are the rest of the time?”   
“Because I can be myself with you instead of the person I think I should be.” Cam tries to keep his face composed. Neutral. His heart hammers in his chest as he realises he’s not even fucking lying right now.   
“I thought it was the other way around. I thought you were pretending to be someone else with me. Hiding things.” Toby says, taking another step up to him as he absolutely calls him out. Cam backs up, hitting his car behind him. He leans against it for support.   
“I don’t—“  
“Are you a drug dealer?” Toby interrupts. His blue eyes are absolutely piercing. Cam’s always thought of himself as a great lier, but he feels like Toby can just read his mind and see the sweat starting to emerge at his hairline.   
“What?! No!” Cam runs a hand down his face. Toby suddenly lifts his camera and snaps a photo of him, then turns it around to know Cam the picture.   
“I’m not crazy. Look at how guilty you look right now.”   
Cam looks, and sees that he absolutely does. Fuck Toby and his hard-to-lie-to face.   
Cam has to do something quick. He has to distract him before he spills and tells him everything. They aren’t close enough yet. It’s too soon.   
He reaches out and pulls Toby in by his wrist. He takes the camera from around his neck and sets it up on his car. They’re pressed together against the car. Toby looks surprised, but kind of annoyed as well.   
“You can’t just distract me from this. I know you have secrets you aren’t telling me.” Toby says, but he exhales shakily when Cam ducks his head down to his height and presses a light kiss at his jawline, literally seducing him.   
“Fuck...you.” Toby says, but it’s weak. His hands tangle in Cam’s hair as he presses kisses down Toby’s neck.   
Toby then pulls at his hair so he lifts away. He presses Cam against the car and points an accusing finger at him.   
“I thought we were pretending we’re definitely straight.” Toby says.   
“I am straight.” Cam replies matter of factly. The words he’s said many times before in his life now feel rotten on his tongue. He pretends they don’t. Pretends they don’t feel like just yet another lie he’s telling Toby. Guilt swirls in his stomach as he thinks about that. About how much he’s lying. Is it even worth it anymore? Why is he keeping YouTube a secret still? Aren’t they close enough now that Toby won’t care? How is nearly kissing many times not close enough?  
“You sure about that?” Toby asks, then stands on his tiptoes, just inches away.   
“Y-yeah.” Cam lies, gulping nervously as Toby leans in.   
“So you don’t want to kiss me right now? Like you were going to before Greg interrupted us? Like you were going to when you gave me this camera? Like you were going to in the gazebo?” Toby asks, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. Cam’s hands come up to Toby’s waist to push him away, but he pulls him closer instead without meaning to. They’re pressed together everywhere. Fuck.   
“Toby, I-I...” Cam’s as eloquent as always, absolutely not denying it. He can’t come up with an excuse for what happened. What keeps happening. He absolutely was going to kiss him every damn time, “I don’t know. What I am. I want to know.” The words are muttered, like a secret. Because they are a secret. He really doesn’t know anymore if he’s straight or not.   
“Well close your eyes so we can figure it out.”   
Cam’s complying before he even realises why he would need to close his eyes. By the time he realises, their lips are brushing, then finally connecting. Finally.   
Everything sort of falls away. Cam’s mind blanks and he makes an embarrassingly desperate sound and deepens the kiss immediately.   
Toby doesn’t complain. One of his hands slide down his chest then sneak under his shirt. The skin on skin contact feels like fire. Cam’s going to have a heart attack, he’s sure of it.   
They kiss for what feels like only ten seconds before suddenly Toby pulls away but stays right there, pressing his forehead to Cam’s shoulder as they catch their breath.   
“Definitely straight, huh?” Toby teases. Cam laughs, sort of hysterical. What the fuck. What the fuck.   
Toby’s hand still under his shirt tickles down to the waistband of his jeans, and his fingers tuck in there. Not touching anything but so close. The message is clear. Cam swallows thickly.   
“This was fun but I know you’re hiding something. I’ll text you.” Toby says, then pulls his fingers away. He takes the camera from the top of Cam’s car and turns, walking away to his own car. He gets in and drives off without another look. Cam sits defeated against his car for at least ten minutes afterwards, trying to figure out what to do about literally everything that’s just happened. Especially what to do about the dent in his jeans and the racing of his heart. 

 

Toby has enough pictures. He’s just finished up editing, but he’s stuck on the first photo he took. The one in the dress store. It feels like forever ago that he took it, when in reality it was just a bit less than two weeks ago. He can’t decide if the photo is better with normal edits, or edited to have a bit of a fish eye look. It’s not much of a difference either way.   
He attaches the photo to an email to one of his classmates from photography to get her opinion.   
Not expecting a reply for a bit, he stands up from his laptop to go make tea, but he doesn’t even get to the kitchen before his laptop dings. Then dings. Then ding ding dings.   
Rushing back to his laptop, Toby finds ten unread emails from the girl.   
‘Oh my god you’re friends with Fitz???!!’ The first email says. Eyebrows furrowing in confusion, Toby reads along the rest of the emails.   
‘The first photo is better, but what the fuck!’  
‘Sorry I don’t mean to fangirl but can you get me in touch???!’  
‘Sorry that was too forward. I just would love a photo or just a conversation.’  
They go on, getting weirder as they do.   
Confused, Toby minimises that tab and clicks for google.   
He types in ‘Fitz’, double checking the email to make sure it’s a ‘z’ rather than an ‘s’.   
Toby presses search, not sure what to expect to find. 

 

 

They’re getting prepared for LSD. It’s been a few years since the first time they did it, and this time it’s nice and early in the day. They plan to actually go outside this time.   
Only, Cam is distracted. He drifts off into his own world as Ryan loosely explains the plan, repeating over and over not to step into the street and die to a car. Cam can’t listen. He’s decided that before he can figure out his sexuality situation, he needs to tell Toby who he really is. Explain why he gets recognised every time they go outside together. Or why he can afford lavish gifts. Or why he has his own nice place at his age with no degree to show for it. Why he lies about seemingly small things.   
“Guys, I’m not doing it.” He says, probably interrupting someone. Everyone in the room stops and looks at him.   
“What?” Swagger asks, looking distraught. They’ve kind of been planning this for over a month or two.   
“I can’t wait anymore. I have to tell Toby. I can’t lie to him anymore.”   
“It can’t wait a day?” Matt asks, pouting. Cam feels kind of shitty for ruining it. He knows he won’t be able to have fun retelling this story in a podcast later. Even Jay is doing it this time, feeling comfortable.   
But Cam just kind of doesn’t care. He can’t think of anything but Toby. If he tells him everything he’s been lying about, maybe his conscious will be clear enough to finally figure out if he’s even into girls anymore. He can’t do both at once. It’s too much stress. Too much lying to himself.   
“If you aren’t feeling it, don’t force yourself.” Mason says, and the guys ultimately agree, knowing if he isn’t 100% sure about it, he could have a bad reaction.   
“I’m sorry.” Cam says, standing up to leave the room. They all tell him it’s okay and give him hugs, wishing him luck. They can tell he’s not feeling it, and nobody likes a bad reaction.   
Cam gets his phone from Ryan and steps outside from the Misfits house.   
As soon as his phone is turned on, Cam finds five missed calls from Toby, and his stomach flips automatically. He stops there at the front door and sits on the top step. He’s just about to unlock his phone when another call comes in. Immediately answering, Cam holds the phone to his ear.   
“Hello?”  
“Hey, Fitzy, how are ya?” Toby asks. Cam’s stomach flips. He pulls his knees to his chest and rests his head on his arm, heart rate quickly speeding up.   
“Toby, fuck, look—“  
“Don’t say anything. I knew you were hiding something. I just didn’t realise it was almost 21 million somethings you were hiding! Holy shit, Cameron, your net worth is insane, have you had a look recently?” Toby sounds pissed. Cam chews on his lip, trying to think of excuses, but he doesn’t want to lie anymore. Can’t lie anymore.   
“I turned in my portfolio today. It’s a bit late as I slept in. Why did I sleep in you ask? Well, listening to a few podcasts and watching a good few videos kept me up very late. 5AM, I think. Your newest video was quite interesting. Have you seen it?”   
Cam suddenly realises why he’s so pissed. He remembers last week, when he and Toby played together when it was still too rainy to take photos. It was a hilarious session. Toby’s the funniest guy he’s ever met. Cam had wondered if he should tell him he was recording. Tell him right then who he is.   
He didn’t tell him. He recorded anyway.   
“Really interesting video because I’m in it! Ha, imagine millions of people watching you make shitty jokes and innuendoes without you even knowing! You want the kicker, Fitzy? Listen to this.”   
Cam closes his eyes as he hears Toby smash his mouse to click play on the video. He knows what’s coming. He spent hours trying to think of what to say in the intro. It didn’t seem bad then, but now he knows exactly what Toby’s pissed about.   
“Hey guys, just a bit of context! I met this guy named Toby recently and he’s absolutely hilarious. He doesn’t know about my YouTube or anything so I thought he’d make some funny genuine content. Let me know if you want him in future videos and—“ Toby stops the video. Cam runs a hand through his hair.   
“Thought I’d make some funny content, huh? The comments were mostly positive of course. Did I make the cut, Cameron? Will you keep me around cause I’m funny enough? Cause I do funny voices and make flamboyant jokes?”  
“No, Toby, that’s not—“  
“Shut the fuck up. I realise now why you seemed so off the entire time I’ve known you. None of it was real. You noticed that I got suspicious of your sketchy shit so you pretend you’re into me so I stick around? Get you a few more million views so you can buy your friends designer gifts? That’s fucked up. You don’t just pretend like that. I gotta give it to you, I really did think that kiss was real.” Toby’s breath catches, and it’s suddenly really clear that he’s crying.   
Cam lifts his head, shaking it vigorously as if Toby can see him.   
“No, no, that’s not how it was at all. You’re misunderstanding it. Toby, p-please. Can I come over?”   
“Why the fuck would I want to see you right now?”  
“I need to explain myself. You have it all wrong.”   
It’s silent for a few seconds, like Toby’s thinking about it. Cam chews his lip nervously, drawing blood.   
“Fuck you. I don’t want to see you ever again. I want that video down and I want to go back to my own life.”   
“No, Toby, the kiss—“  
“Please don’t. Don’t say it was real. It wasn’t. I was onto you so you distracted me with that. Can you deny that?”  
He can’t. He can’t deny it. It’s true, he was trying to distract him from his interrogating questions. But he knows he wouldn’t just kiss somebody for just that reason. He’s not stupid like that. If he kisses someone it’s because deep down he really wants to. Fuck, Cam doesn’t know what’s really going on with his sexuality, but he knows he wants Toby. Truly.   
“Toby, I—“  
“Can’t deny it. Fuck you, Cam. Delete my number.”   
The line goes dead. Tears sting at the corners of Cam’s eyes as he realises he’s fucked up big time. While it was unintentional, he definitely can see how Toby could interpret the intro how he did. Cam wishes he would have told him long ago. Before he started lying. Before the kiss. Before the video. In the gazebo, or during that entire night they slept together on the spare bed. So many times he could’ve come clean. 

 

He orders Toby a Saint Laurent purse he saw him looking at on his phone once. He waits impatiently as it gets express shipped to his house, only for it to be dropped carelessly at Cam’s doorstep. He didn’t even open it to see the apology letter attached.   
Cam doesn’t know what to do. He just knows he has to fix this somehow. Now that his secret is out of the way, Cam can’t think of anything but his feelings. No lying anymore, he lies awake at night for hours, unable to sleep, remembering the way Toby kissed him. Longing for it again. So bad his chest aches. He’s never felt like this before. Never felt like if he doesn’t get Toby back he’ll fucking die or something. 

After sort of explaining the situation to Mason, leaving out the dirty details. The boy tells him to give Toby space for a bit. Mason’s grown up and wised up a lot in the past few years, and they turn to each other for most of their problems, as they always give the straightest (ha) advice for the other.   
So he gives Toby space. 

 

For about two days.   
He can’t stay away for long, knowing Toby’s hurt and he’s caused it. He has to fix it. Needs to.   
He expects to have to beg to be buzzed up to Toby’s flat, but he’s let up right away without a single word.   
When Toby answers, he’s holding a bill and he’s wearing an oversized t shirt and just briefs.   
“You aren’t pizza.” He says, looking terribly cute for the two seconds Cam sees him before the door slams back shut.   
“Wait, Toby, please. Let me talk to you!” Cam taps on the door, not wanting to bang too loud and disrupt the neighbours.   
“Go talk to your millions of fans!” Toby calls back from inside.  
“C’mon, just let me explain. You have it all wrong.” Cam had a plan, and words he was going to say, but he can’t remember shit now that he’s actually here.   
“I’m not leaving until you let me explain. Just let me talk to you then I’ll leave you alone forever.”   
Toby doesn’t reply. Cam waits a few minutes, then slides down the door, getting comfortable and preparing to wait forever. 

 

“Fitz?”   
Cam sits up from where he’s rolled over onto the floor, wiping his eyes. He didn’t even realise he’d fallen asleep. Looking up, he finds Greg holding a pizza box.   
“Hey Greg.”   
Greg sits on the floor with him and takes a slice of pizza, biting into it.   
“He had me pick it up for him. I wasn’t the one who told him by the way. I wouldn’t—“  
“I know you didn’t. I just sort of forgot about the merch thing. I’ll get it to you eventually.”  
“You don’t have to. I bought some before all this happened anyway.”   
They share a small laugh. Greg finishes his slice.   
“He’s really pissed off. I finally bugged him enough to tell me what he’s so mad about and he told me what happened. I don’t think he realises that’s not how you meant it.”   
“Yeah he doesn’t. At the same time, I did kind of record him without permission and lie about a lot of shit. How much do you know, anyway?” Cam narrows his eyes at him and runs a hand through his hair. As far as the fans know, Toby’s an acquaintance he’s just met and Cam’s straight. He never really realised how much has changed just in the past two weeks, but Cam feels like his whole life has been flipped upside down.   
“Not everything but I sort of get what he didn’t tell me. I won’t leak anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ll try to convince him to come out.” Greg stands up and heads inside. Cam pulls his knees to his chest and pouts a bit. He tries to remember the core things he wanted to say, but his brain is jumbled, thinking about nothing else but Toby’s legs and how cute he was in the oversized shirt.   
Cam’s still smacking himself on the side of the head as if that’ll make his thoughts go away when the door opens back up.   
“Okay. I’ll give you five minutes.” Toby says, opening the door. Cam scrambles to his feet and steps inside. Greg is leaving the room with headphones on, and a door down the hall clicks shut a few moments later. Toby doesn’t step into the flat, staying at the entranceway, crossing his arms.   
“Okay. Look, when we first met I thought you were a fan because you asked for a photo. I don’t mean to sound cocky, but I don’t really meet and talk to genuine people anymore. Usually just leeches nowadays. When we first met, yes, I did think about how great you would do in a video, but it wasn’t like that. That wasn’t the reason I kept hanging with you. I just...I can’t explain it. I want to be around you all the time. I want to do everything with you. Everything.” Cam stares into his eyes, hoping he gets exactly how much of everything he’s suggesting.   
Toby’s jaw clenches, and he shakes his head.   
“So why didn’t you just tell me, then? Why lie about so much? I don’t even know if anything you’ve told me is truth.”  
“I lied because I didn’t want you to like me for the money or the fame. We had to get close first, so that you would like me for me. I was going to tell you on LSD day, even though I didn’t think we were close enough yet. That’s why I didn’t join the boys with that.” Cam chews on the inside of his lip nervously. Now that he’s said it, it sounds kind of stupid as hell.   
“You’re a fucking idiot if you think I’m like that. I knew we were different by the first hour within knowing you. You really think I could’ve turned into a leech?” Toby asks, crossing his arms.   
Cam shrugs, cheeks heating up with Toby’s words. Is he saying he feels the same? God, he feels so daft for thinking Toby could be anything but genuine.   
“I don’t know. I didn’t know you that well. And..I’d never kiss someone for content. I couldn’t control myself those times. Couldn’t stop myself..” Cam trails off when Toby leans back against the wall and rolls his eyes.   
“I get it now, but I’m still pissed off. Didn’t it occur to you when I returned the purse that I don’t give a fuck about your money? What about when you gave me the camera and hoodie and I didn’t give you the kiss you wanted even after you gave me those things? I don’t give a shit how many fans you have or how much your net worth is. I care about you, not that.”   
Cam smiles, eyes stinging. He’s never been told that before. Not by someone like this. Someone Cam would gladly buy a new apartment for, or would gladly walk in the pouring rain to hold an umbrella for.   
“Stop smiling, you still lied to me and I’m not kissing you until you tell me the truth about every lie you’ve said.” It’s not a ‘I forgive you’, but Toby leads him to the couch to talk, and it’s just as good. 

 

After hours upon hours of talking, it’s early morning and Greg’s just left for school. Toby pulls out the portfolio and sets it on his bed to show Cam for the first time.   
Looking at the photos, Cam sees something in himself. Sees how in the beginning, he was just smiling awkwardly or doing something. The photos slowly turn into something else. Softer. A different look in his eyes. By the end, Cam barely recognises himself. Has never seen himself look off camera at someone with that expression. He knows what this means.   
“What is it? Is it bad?” Toby asks, chewing on his fingernails nervously as Cam looks at the photos.   
Eyebrows furrowing, Cam turns to him and steps forward. Toby steps back with wide eyes. The backs of his knees hit the bed so he stops. Cam gets into his space, one hand on his waist, the other cups his cheek.   
“Cameron...” Toby whispers, hands raising to clutch his jacket. He doesn’t push him away, but doesn’t pull him in.   
“I have feelings for you. Real ones. Big ones. I need to know how you feel about that.” Cam says, not giving a fuck. For once, he’s not nervous. He knows what he needs.   
“I feel like it’s definitely mutual.” Toby says.   
Cam grins and presses their lips together, pushing him down onto the bed and crawling over him.   
“I’m still pissed off at you for lying to me.” Toby says when they part. Cam nods, trailing a gentle finger over his cheekbone.   
“Just because I’m going to let you stay the night doesn’t mean you’re forgiven.” Toby says in a stern voice, but he can’t keep it up for long when Cam presses his wrists into the bed and kisses his neck. He laughs and brings up his knee, getting Cam right in the groin.   
They wrestle for a few minutes on the bed, until they’re tangled together and too tired to keep going.   
Toby trails his finger down the lines on Cam’s palm just like in the misfits house when they cuddled all night.   
“Still getting married within five years?” Cam asks, causing Toby to laugh and slap his arm.   
“Yeah. You gotta wine and dine me first, though.” Toby says, raising a challenging eyebrow.   
“Of course.” Cam says, rolling his eyes. Toby’s cheeks redden when he sees Cam’s not laughing, but serious.   
“Fuck off, we aren’t even, like, dating.” Toby says, slapping his shoulder.   
“Why not?” Cam asks, propping his head up on his arm. Toby looks up at him and smiles sweetly. His eyes are so blue.   
“You haven’t asked yet.” He replies.   
Cam takes the boy’s hand, bringing it up to his lips for a small kiss like Toby’s a princess or something. Which he is, of course.   
“Be my boyfriend?” He asks, eyes never leaving his.   
“Hmmm, I don’t know. What would being your boyfriend mean?” Toby asks, eyebrow raised in challenge.   
Cam rolls on top of him, between his legs, and presses a gentle kiss to his jaw.   
“It means you will get way too many followers, and probably a lot of hate, to be honest. People like to talk shit, especially the jealous stans.”   
Toby hums, chin lifting to allow Cam to kiss his neck.   
“Not really convincing me here.”   
Cam leans up, presses a kiss to his lips.   
“It also means that I will do this to you whenever you want it,” he presses them together at the crotch, lifting Toby’s leg up with his free arm. The boy gasps, “I will spoil the fuck out of you just because I can. Kiss you when you’re sad. Make you soup when you’re sick. Knock the hell out of whoever has shit to say about it.”   
Toby chews on his lip, exhaling shakily when Cam presses them together again. It’s not enough to do much with the layers between them, but they’re so turned on that it doesn’t even matter.   
“Sounds nice. What about my conditions?” Toby asks, raising his arms so Cam can pull his shirt off.   
“Anything.” He says between kisses. He fumbles with Toby’s jeans button.   
“I’m not a very jealous person, but you have 20 million people throwing themselves at you. I’ll need constant reassuring that you’re in this. I’m also not the best at like...relationship talk. Serious stuff. We’ll probably end up fighting because I expect you to read my mind and get pissed off when you don’t just know what I’m thinking.”   
Cam raises an eyebrow.   
“As if I expect any different.” He says. Toby chuckles, rolling his eyes.   
“Besides that, I’ll never get angry at you for any flaws you can’t control. I’ll out sass anyone who has shit to say, and I’m loyal as fuck. Oh, and I’m a great lay, so you’ll never get bored in that area.”   
Cam pulls Toby’s jeans down his legs.   
“I’m gonna need confirmation on that last one,” He says. Toby laughs, pulling his shirt off as well, “other than that, it sounds like a deal.”   
“Yep, sounds good. I’m all yours.”   
Cam hooks his fingers in the waistband of Toby’s briefs to pull them down.   
The front door opens down the hall.   
“Hey, class was cancelled!” Greg calls from the kitchen.   
Toby groans, looking exasperated.   
“Imagine getting interrupted literally every time we try to do anything.” He says sarcastically.   
Cam stands up from the bed and shuts Toby’s door, locking it, then stepping back to the edge of the bed, taking him in. Just in briefs, Toby stretches his arms above his head and gives him a look.   
“Wanna go for it anyway?” He asks, grinning. Cam can’t help but grin right back.   
“Hell yeah.”   
Toby holds out a hand to pull him back onto the bed. Cam takes his hand and lets himself get pulled back into bliss.   
Gladly. 

 

 

 

x

**Author's Note:**

> Pls leave comments below, they’re the only thing keeping me writing lol


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